well...

it seems like we all have a lot else to do.

Doritos Follow-Up

looks like somebody over at the av club (who may or may not be paid to be funny/younger than us) is blogging about doritos

http://www.avclub.com/content/tolerability/jun-05-2007

is it pathetic that i feel validated? yes. yes it is.

selling out

i read today about clif bars. clif bars were named after the father of the inventor, gary. gary had the opportunity to sell the company to quaker oats for 120 million dollars, eight years after it was started. gary almost signed the papers (pen in hand!) and then walked out of the meeting. he decided not to become a super millionaire like paris hilton or donald trump or other admirable millionaires, but to keep the company and struggle through all the good and the bad.*

*according to the san francisco Guardian.

i think i would have signed the papers and now i feel bad.

Strange Tastes

Stopped in at the general store on 6th and Sterling this afternoon. On my way to the Vitamin Water, I spotted Wild White Nacho Doritos and Blazin' Buffalo n' Ranch Doritos. What happened to Cool Ranch?! Is being this out of touch with American snack food a sign of adulthood? Why there was a time when I knew exactly what was going on in the world of Pringles, Baked Lays, and most certainly, Doritos. Perhaps I should do some serious taste-testing reseach in anticipation of BBQ season at Prospect Park.

Dear friends, I am the recipient of both a doughnut and a quesadilla maker and am now the author of a posting on the state of Doritos. You would think I had some sort of eating disorder. I don't. And even if I did, I probably wouldn't announce it on this blog. Maybe on my other blog, but not on this one. Ok, one more thing: Cup of Noodles now offers a Salsa Picante Beef flavor. Wow!

Another REAL Craigslist Posting

Addociate Editor/Writer
Reply to: edread@weeklyreader.comDate: 2007-03-27, 4:29PM EDT Weekly Reader Corporation, one of the country's leading publishers of classroom periodicals and educational materials seeks an assistant editor (wait, i thought it was for an addociate position) for its secondary-level literary team in producing two classroom periodicals - READ and WRITING.(what if I'm more interested in READING and WRITE?) Responsibilities include supporting the editorial and design team in planning, writing and editing the periodicals, including teacher's guides. The ideal candidate must be well-organized, detail oriented, tech savvy and be able to work quickly under pressure. He or she must also be a creative thinker, superb writer, researcher and team player. Must be familiary with teen interests and culture. (Check) Excellent entry-level position into field of educational publishing. Must have a degree in journalism/English/education or related fields. Position is available on-site only, in our offices in Chappaqua, N.Y. We offer an attractive salary and full benefits package.

The Sterling Youth

As I was walking home last night I passed by three Park Slope teenage girls. They were laughing about something. Once we had crossed paths, I overheard what they were talking about: Accordian Hero. Like what if they made another guitar hero video game but it was for accordians. I laughed too. I thought it was a funny idea. Also funny were the accordian sounds they were making. Definitely drunker than I was. Ahhh the youth. They'll be here in no time.

Really? Really? Really?

GAP's Boyfriend Trousers.

This posting actually appears on Craigslist

Williamsburg Author Seeks Hipster Intern

Juliet is Famous

Vince Carter Hires On-Court Assistant

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—New Jersey Nets shooting guard Vince Carter announced Wednesday that he had hired an on-court assistant to handle all...

Yes, this would be my second Britney-themed post

And yes, I do feel like a loser.

Nevertheless, I have to admit that I’ve been thinking about her a lot recently. By now, everyone’s seen the shaved head, the photos of her violently attacking paparazzi with an umbrella, the much gossiped-and-no-doubt-still-unconfirmed story of how she lost her shit in the mental ward, wrote 666 all over her bald head, ran around screaming that she was the antichrist, and then attempted to hang herself with her bed sheet. The general blog consensus is a mix of ‘oh poor brit!’ and “yeah THERE’s a shocker’. But I don’t mean I’ve been thinking of in a gawking gossiping kind of way. I mean, I’m suddenly sympathizing with her, I’m worried about her, I’m proud of her, and in a weird way, I’m jealous of her. (I’ll get to the jealousy later.)

As I write this it’s becoming instantly clear that I’m obviously projecting and that really this is all about me. but whatever. The point is, until she started unraveling, I really didn’t think about Britney, or care about her at all. I mean, sure I’d read little gossip clips about her, but with very minimal interest. And let me tell you, it doesn’t really take much to get me interested in crazy young famous people. The reason is that she just wasn’t real at all. Much like the Olson twins, she was so untouched by reality in her weird weird life that it was kind of hard to care. Like caring about the plight of a muppet. It’s fun to watch Oscar the Grouch be grouchy, but you don’t really care to learn what put him in such a bad mood, you know? But watching her destroy herself, she suddenly makes perfect sense to me:

She’s born into this crazy high pressure family, loves attention and pushes her self to succeed at a young age to the point where her whole identity and sense of self is based on everyone else approval. And then she starts hearing the negative feedback. At first she tries to appease the displeased, but it keeps just getting worse until she can’t take it anymore (this would be circa her first marriage, when she starts getting that ‘I’ve been up all night drinking champagne” gray flabby look about her face) so she finds a nobody (Kevin) and marries him as a kind of opt-out. Because she’d theoretically be going towards something (a family) instead of running away from something (her failure in the eyes of American media), even though ultimately all she wants to do is disappear. But America doesn’t buy it and revels in her absurdity. She says goodbye to her music fans, gets preggers (yet another opt out – this time escaping the body image judgment) and eats Twinkies to her hearts delight. She’s almost sort of kind of happy. Then she has the baby and the media makes fun of her more. So she instantly gets pregnant again to avoid the media wrath and again, she’s taunted.

As Jayden is born, her untalented husband makes a fool out of herself, and she’s barely even getting negative attention anymore let alone the adoration and lust that has sustained her self esteem for the past 2 decades. She gives one last ditch attempt at gaining back her media-fed dignity, by divorcing Kevin, losing a ton of weight really quick, and befriending a Hollywood starlet (Paris, although that’s not a really apt title for her). She gets some positive feedback but not enough, and she realizes that a piddling little “woah, check out Britney!” here and there isn’t worth the inner pain she’s created. She can’t sustain it. But she’s tried the opt-out clause and it didn’t work, so she does the only thing she can do to gain immunity: she gives up all responsibility and has a total breakdown and loses her shit. People can make fun of her, but they’re not really judging her because as a crazy mess, she’s un-judge-able. She’s just a sad story with a sad ending that we can pity and then forget.

Sorry, that was longer than intended.

So here’s the point: I get her. I’m so relieved that she lost her mind, that she didn’t just shut off her emotions and turn into a nightmarish automaton like Paris. She may be an absolute mess, but she’s a real mess, and that’s commendable. And the jealousy, I mean whatever – who doesn’t want a get out of jail free card? Maybe I’m alone here, but I hate being an adult, I hate the pressure that I put on myself, I hate trying to succeed, trying to find meaning and ultimately just feeling like I’ve failed. Most likely I will never let myself go completely, because its no vacation either, and its REALLY hard to pull yourself out of once you’re in (mostly because its hard to later change your mind and try to convince everyone else that you’re actually capable of sanity and success). But goddamn I want to. And maybe that makes me crazy. I’m pretty sure it does. Crazy enough for immunity though? Not so much.

Blogging about Blogs

So blogging is huge. Maybe not all the time at this particular site (shared ownership=lessened culpability of not posting), but huge enough that UCB extension is offering classes on culture and technology of blogging.
Would you pay $625 for a one-day seminar on blogging fundamentals? Would the people who could afford to pay 625 on a blogging workshop rather than learn online even be the people that eventually blog? Blogging seems to take committment and dedication and time and curiousity. A certain scrappiness and self-starter quality in the person that drives them to post for all to see. There is no quick fix to being a blog master. Blog masters were born to be blog masters, in my opinion. Some people live and breathe their blogs. Like the guy they wrote an article about in the NY Times who has to keep up-to-date on all business related to TV News while going to college and if he doesn't post every half-hour or so, people call him on his cell phone. Or those Project Runway bloggers who have become best friends with all the former contestants. They found an opening and capitalized. Bloggers link and write and create worlds---if we were all so noble. I don't think you can buy that quality. at least not in a day.
Maybe if I knew more about blogs I could get Sarah's picture off the side bar and replace it with a photoshop'd version of all of us together. But then I'd have to learn more about photoshop.

It's the Commercial Season

Last night, when I should have been studying for my finals, I was watching TV. What else is new.

A commercial came on for Glade Trio candles and the pitch was that "ordinary scented candles can sometimes look too much alike" and the viewers are shown a depressed, frazzled-looking woman sitting at a table with three white candles. Then, flash to her home featuring the Glade Trio candles with three different colors of candle, and all the world's a dream. WHAT? Do they think that having too many white candles is a problem for people; that our holidays will be ruined or somehow tarnished if our candles look too much alike? What is wrong with simply portraying the Glade Trio candles as good-smelling, value-oriented holiday candles? I may have bought them then, but I certainly won't now. I refuse to buy into the message that the reason I need these candles is because my life has been so depressing because of my all-white candles.

This got me thinking about another old commercial. Remember the commercials for Pert Plus conditioning shampoo from the late 1980s? I was in elementary school, but I remember being fully convinced that Pert Plus was a brilliant idea-- combining shampoo and conditioner in the SAME BOTTLE! I mean, for me, it didn't matter that we had two bottles in the bathtub. But, the commercial portrayed adults at the gym or spa and what a pain in the ass it was to have to carry two whole bottles of hair products in your gym bag. I tried to imagine myself as an adult spending time at the spa and thought, yep, Pert Plus is right--I would be just as unhappy as these folks in the commercial if I had to carry both shampoo and conditioner with me. Good thing when I am a grown up I won't have to do that. (*Note: My thinking was errant in two fundamental ways: first, my hair needs a separate conditioner and second, I rarely go to the gym/spa.)

I've come a long way since the 1980s, but apparently the advertising agencies have not. They are still trying to trick me into thinking that normal things like hair conditioner and white candles are what are holding me back. I won't be fooled this time.

This Is Maturity

Thanksgiving eve found me at my parents' house (about a 45 minute drive west from where I grew up), in the room where I sleep when I go there, rummaging through this trunk of clothes my mom doesn't wear very often in search of a tshirt to wear to bed. I did find this thermal-type thing which did the job, but only after I found a video tape called "Great Sex After 40." There were at least two more tapes on the same topic, but I obviously recoiled from the trunk like you do when you touch something that's too hot or when you find a cockroach under the sink, so I don't have too many more details. I was a little horrified for a few minutes, but not as much as I would have thought I'd be. In fact, it's kind of nice to know that they have a sex life (or at least have had one at some point over the past 25 years--they've been over 40 my whole life), and that they've needed to seek outside assistance to improve it, not unlike some of us who struggle with dating and look to our friends and the internet for help. After a few glasses of wine at Thanksgiving dinner, I told my older brother about what I'd found, and he had a similar reaction--part of him wanted to go barf up his butternut squash soup, but part of him said "Huh, good for them." I decided to spare my younger brother at least until he moves out of the house.

True Change Comes From Within: Life Lessons from Britney Spears on Election Day

I know that it's election day and I should be sending out shocking news about the various propositions and candidates that the democratic party told me to vote for on my answering machine, and leaving all that is trivial for another day, but I'm sorry, I can't let this one go by.

I saw the headline just now on my office computer and inadvertently exclaimed very loudly "BRITNEY SPEARS FILES FOR DIVORCE? OH MY GOD!" which was so SO not the first impression I was going for with my new legal director in the office next to mine, whose laughter subsequently echoed through our hallowed halls.

but JESUS. Its like, I'd given up all hope. Britney was just so far gone I didn't think she could ever come back. But now, like Marlina on Days of Lives, she has risen again! Change can happen! ANOTHER WORLD IS POSSIBLE!! I'm now RUNNING, not walking, to my polling station and taking charge of my life, looking at the man in the mirror, just like Britney did. ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

URGENT: How do I get someone to vote tomorrow?

While law school has ironically kept me from being as active in the "get out the vote" movement as I would like to be, I have taken it upon myself to call every person on my cell phone list who is eligible to vote and if I have doubts about their motivation to vote (If you have not received a call, it's because I know you would never miss a chance to vote).

I just got off the phone with my cousin who is an Iraq vet. He told me he will probably not vote.

1st Excuse: He's not registered.
My answer: Doesn't matter. Minnesota has same-day registration.

2nd Excuse: He doesn't know where to go to vote:
My answer: I anticipated this, so I looked it up for him and I mapquested it. It is exactly .2 miles from his house. I gave him the address.

3rd Excuse: He doesn't know who to vote for and doesn't know who the candidates are.

This one I found a little harder to answer. First, I find it strange he doesn't know ANYTHING about the candidates because of the bombardment of ads all over the TV. Second, when my call is to just make sure he exercises his right to vote, is it appropriate to plug my candidates and tell him the RNC is evil? Third, is it dirty to remind him he fought for people's freedom and the fundamental right of voting (think Iraqi fingers dipped in ink) and that he might be a hypocrite to not exercise his own right to vote?

He is still not sure if he will vote. We are supposed to have another phone conference later this afternoon and it will be my last chance to convince him to vote tomorrow. Please post your thoughts on tactics to persuade him that he MUST vote, even if he's not sure who the best candidate is.

The Fool's Gold-en Rule

As most of you know, I am in my third and final year of law school. It has, for the most part, been a rich and stimulating experience with (mostly) smart and respectable people. Sometimes things happen, though, that make me embarassed to be part of this profession and afraid for the future of law and lawyerdom.

In several of my classes throughout these three years, professors have taken time to instruct us how to not be assholes when we become attorneys. Examples include:

• "If someone shows up 5 minutes late to a deposition, you don't need to report it to the judge, reschedule, and charge your opponent for costs. We've all been 5 minutes late."
• "When negotiating with prosecutors, don't accuse them of personally detesting the Constitution. They are just doing their jobs and most of them are perfectly lovely people. "
• In drafting interrogatories, don't use unnecessarily obtuse language or complex sentence structure. Think of interrogatories YOU have to answer and how you would like them to be worded. "

To me, these all seems to be variations of "treat others the way you would like to be treated" a/k/a The Golden Rule. Didn't we learn this in pre-school? Or at HOME as toddlers? Sure, a friendly reminder will do now and again, but I find it sad that law professors know they need to devote substantial time to reminding professional students and soon-to-be officers of the courts of this country to treat each other with basic human decency and respect.

I realize that this post may invite a plethora of lawyer jokes, but remember who our administrator is. The lawerly-inclined on this forum would never make jokes about your chosen profession. We learned the Golden Rule at about the same time we learned to brush our teeth, despite what my law school professors would have you think.

a thermos and nalgene crowd

I arrived at a potluck this week with two liter bottles of soda and yellow plastic cups. Coke and Sprite. I considered purchasing diet (that would've been my choice) but figured more people like regular. I wasn't the only one to bring soda to this gathering of documentary students. But the other person purchased Moxie (a local cola) and rasberry ginger ale. Not a single person drank my offering. And it's not like there was beer or anything. I left with both bottles unopened. I just took a couple of swigs from the neon green bottle and thought I'd write to all of you. Do you not drink soda? Am I living in the past? Do your social groups drink it? I'm just curious.

How did you spend your Thursday nights in 1990?

This is it, folks. Finally. If you don't already know, I am thrilled to be the first to tell you that the 1st season of 90210 is being released on DVD on November 7th, 2006. We have waited years and years. I cannot account for the timing but for that Aaron Spelling no longer around (RIP) to object to its release due to his embarassment that his dear Tori played the ditzy virgin. But, it matters not.

What counts is that just in time for the season in which no person in their right mind would go outside for more than 5 minutes because of sub-zero temperatures and massive snow drifts, we have some old friends to catch up with. I have already pre-ordered my copy and I encourage you do the same.

Also, if I don't return phonecalls between November 7th and 2007, you'll understand why. Dylan McKay and I will be cuddled up by the fire, reliving those Thursday nights from so many years ago.

Cheap Bastard Mixology

I came home the other night after a long day and my new roommate was on the couch drinking a 40 of Old E, which is my brand of choice. I had a lovely trader joes salad that i was going to eat so i opted for wine instead. but then sitting there waiting for America's Next Top Model to come on, i was like 'damn. that looks good. i want that instead."
and he said, "you could have both?"
and i said "together?"
and he said "yeah. you should drink them both at the same time."
and i said "i will if you will"
and he said "ok" (thinking that i was not serious and that it wasn't physically possible)
but oh, OH was he wrong. I grabbed two straws and and a 40 (ok, really it was a 24oz, but whatever) and the dare was ON.

we were shocked. SHOCKED i tell you.
somehow it was the best of both worlds. i'm a cheap bastard these days so it was crappy wine, and i dare say the combination improved both of them.

so RUN, dont walk, to your local corner store and live it up!

ANTM

Just so we're clear, I can count the number of episodes of America's Next Top Model that I've ever seen on one hand. Tonight I saw maybe the last 20 minutes of the season premiere and am hoping someone else here saw it too. When the judges were critiquing the very striking Anchal, were they for real in deferring to the comments of Nigel Barker because "we're both Indian"? His bio on the website says he was born in London and educated in the English countryside, and mentions that "his background...brings a unique sensitivity to the relationships he forms with his subjects," but that's all. If you were Anchal, would you be offended at Nigel's giving you modeling advice from a fellow Indian's perspective, seeing as how he is a) a man and b) white? I know there are some ANTM experts in the crowd so please come forward!