Bad Ideas

Lately it seems that people are running out of ideas. I am sick of hearing about a lot of things: hurricanes and floods that always wreak havoc on the same towns, famous 17- to 25-year-old women who become very skinny in an unreasonable amount of time, and suicide bombers, to name a few. But at least most of these trends can be chalked up to complex social pressures and/or forces of nature. What I am REALLY sick of are baseball players who use performance-enhancing drugs and Catholic priests who sexually abuse children. I guess for these particular issues, we are currently in a sort of grace period when the culprits are often getting into trouble well after the fact—at the time of the crime, they could conceivably have convinced themselves that they might not get caught. So in some way, while there is no question that they are perverts or cheaters, they might not necessarily be stupid (if you define stupid as not learning anything from the mistakes of those around you). But from now on, anyone who is found to have commited the above offenses at any point after the year 2003 should serve time not only for the lives they ruined but for being dumb and uncreative.

Please note that I am not putting steroid-abusers in the same category of child-abusers. Canseco, Palmeiro, Giambi, et al, are only directly hurting themselves (indirectly, of course, they are hurting their wives, children, and above all, the fans. THE FANS!!) while sexually abusive priests are doing permanent psychological damage to young people. My point is only that if you’re going to make headlines getting into some kind of trouble, can’t you be a little more original? If you play professional sports, don’t do drugs. If you are a religious leader, don’t have sexual relationships with kids. If you are a politician, don’t sleep with your intern. If you are a dentist, don’t have an affair with the hygienist. If you are a washed-up celebrity, don’t make a reality TV show. It’s all just so cliché.

I’m also sick of Brad and Angelina, but for different reasons.