As I strolled into work this morning, 45 minutes late (as usual), trying to nonchalantly cover the food stain I neglected to notice this morning when putting on my lamo pastel office-wear sweater that I bought because it was on sale even though it wasn't the color I wanted, I realized that I need to make some changes. It's still January, so I can still make resolutions right? I'm putting them here so as to make them more official and I think you guys should too. If you want.
1. Get to work on time and stop deciding to clean the house 10 minutes after I'm supposed to leave it.
2. Be more stylish - only buy office clothes that I wouldn't feel lame going to happy hour in.
3. Never buy things just because they're on sale
4. Don't avoid starting political conversations just because I assume that everyone around me shares my point of view. They don't.
5. Drink at least 3 Nalgenes of water a day
6. Be more present. When I start to panic about dumb shit in the future, force myself to stop and let go.
7. Make lunch and bring it to work
8. Take vitamins + flax seed oil every morning
9. Wean myself off of Equal and sugar-free popsicles.
10. Know when to shut the fuck up. Especially when drunk.
11. No whiskey. Ever.
12. Stop crying during minor conflicts, arguments, or conversations about money.
13. Write at least a couple songs this year and be less nervous about singing them in front of people.
14. Start exercising again.
15. Stop flushing O.B. wrappers down the toilet.
16. Be more stringent about the use of apostrophes and the difference between "its" and "it's" when typing.
17. Spend more time alone
18. Go to more museums, talks, and concerts. Always worth the money.
19. Reinstate Frugal Month.
20. For every hour I spend reading celebrity gossip, I must read at least one real news story.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
Upfront
Took a cab to work. Who said it - I said it. I was running really late and when my boss is out of town he just waits for an opportunity to say, "You're taking advantage." So I hailed a mini-van cab on 7th and hopped to the second row. I'm about to go on a birthright trip to Israel and hear that the cool people sit in the back of the bus. I'm doing a lot of prep this week.
My cab driver, Jack Rubin, seemed confused. "Most people sit right here," he said pointing to the seat behind him. I didn't tell Jack that I had chosen the second row because it gave me more sleeping space though perhaps I should have because as we turned onto Flatbush he offered me his copy of the New York Post. I get sick if I read in a moving vehicle, but sweetly accepted.
At my final destination, he asked if I wanted the receipt. I said sure even though I had no use for it. "At least somebody's getting reimbursed," he said. Precisely. I didn't want him to suspect that I was spoiling myself. I'd be concerned if he thought I was being excessive.
Stopped in at Starbucks. The man in line in front of me requested that he not get the croissant he had been given. The barista explained that he had actually put 2 in the bag. But the customer had a particular butter croissant in mind and pointed. The same barista then ordered me a triple grande latte when I had just paid for a double tall. I didn't say anything. It seemed he liked treating.
My cab driver, Jack Rubin, seemed confused. "Most people sit right here," he said pointing to the seat behind him. I didn't tell Jack that I had chosen the second row because it gave me more sleeping space though perhaps I should have because as we turned onto Flatbush he offered me his copy of the New York Post. I get sick if I read in a moving vehicle, but sweetly accepted.
At my final destination, he asked if I wanted the receipt. I said sure even though I had no use for it. "At least somebody's getting reimbursed," he said. Precisely. I didn't want him to suspect that I was spoiling myself. I'd be concerned if he thought I was being excessive.
Stopped in at Starbucks. The man in line in front of me requested that he not get the croissant he had been given. The barista explained that he had actually put 2 in the bag. But the customer had a particular butter croissant in mind and pointed. The same barista then ordered me a triple grande latte when I had just paid for a double tall. I didn't say anything. It seemed he liked treating.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Mayans into Theatres Near You this Spring
My dad used to make a living cutting trailers for movies. He was responsible for the coming attraction to Mel Gibson's 1995 film Braveheart. Now here was potential for a great coming attraction. There would be bagpipes,greenery, battle, kilts, kissing, more battle. And then, the music could stop, and in would drop a killer line: THEY CAN TAKE OUT LIVES. BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE...OUR FREEDOM. It just seemed too easy. But that was ten years go.
Let me be clear. I don't have my Masters in anything. But it seems to me that trailers have come to rely too heavily on well-established formulas. Those of us who "don't want to miss the trailers" know the ad approaches all too well. For example, there's the "Until Now" method, which goes something like this: Mel Gibson had it all. He was handsome. Australian. He was winning Oscars. It seemed like he had the world in the palm of his hand - halt music - UNTIL NOW- more music go go go. Perhaps the only thing more cliche than these trailers are my jokes about them.
I'd like to call your attention if I may (my apologies for sounding so formal-I am merely misplacing the academic energy that could go toward a masters degree if i had ANY IDEA WHAT I WANTED TO STUDY!!!!), to the "teaser" trailer for Mel Gibson's new movie Apocalyptico. http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&cf=trailer&id=1809249345&intl=us
Instead of a narrator, it uses "cards" or words. Early on we see this Will Durant quote: "A great civilization is not conquered from without - fade out - until it has destroyed itself from within" followed by images of howling, blood thirsty Indians who turn out to be Mayan. The entire movie is in Mayan. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Indigenous people had colonialism coming to them? Even if the Spanish arrived only once this particular civilization had largely dispersed, it seems like a strange statement coming from a philosopher/scholar. And certainly not a theory that could be applied throughout history.
I asked my dad about it and he said that he suspects Mel Gibson is trying to imply that America is currently destroying itself from within. That our culture is on the decline morally. The trailer further misleads the American people when it posts this on the screen: "From the Academy Award winning director of Braveheart and The Passion of the Christ." He didn't win an award for the Passion let alone a nomination!
Suddenly THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIVES BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM sounds like something Bush would say. Looking back at the titles of his movies, it occurs to me that maybe Mel has been working for the man all along. Lethal Weapon,The Patriot, Bird on a Wire, Maverick. Of course this could all just be a "Conspiracy Theory" because he was
also in a movie called "Air America."
Let me be clear. I don't have my Masters in anything. But it seems to me that trailers have come to rely too heavily on well-established formulas. Those of us who "don't want to miss the trailers" know the ad approaches all too well. For example, there's the "Until Now" method, which goes something like this: Mel Gibson had it all. He was handsome. Australian. He was winning Oscars. It seemed like he had the world in the palm of his hand - halt music - UNTIL NOW- more music go go go. Perhaps the only thing more cliche than these trailers are my jokes about them.
I'd like to call your attention if I may (my apologies for sounding so formal-I am merely misplacing the academic energy that could go toward a masters degree if i had ANY IDEA WHAT I WANTED TO STUDY!!!!), to the "teaser" trailer for Mel Gibson's new movie Apocalyptico. http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&cf=trailer&id=1809249345&intl=us
Instead of a narrator, it uses "cards" or words. Early on we see this Will Durant quote: "A great civilization is not conquered from without - fade out - until it has destroyed itself from within" followed by images of howling, blood thirsty Indians who turn out to be Mayan. The entire movie is in Mayan. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Indigenous people had colonialism coming to them? Even if the Spanish arrived only once this particular civilization had largely dispersed, it seems like a strange statement coming from a philosopher/scholar. And certainly not a theory that could be applied throughout history.
I asked my dad about it and he said that he suspects Mel Gibson is trying to imply that America is currently destroying itself from within. That our culture is on the decline morally. The trailer further misleads the American people when it posts this on the screen: "From the Academy Award winning director of Braveheart and The Passion of the Christ." He didn't win an award for the Passion let alone a nomination!
Suddenly THEY MAY TAKE OUR LIVES BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM sounds like something Bush would say. Looking back at the titles of his movies, it occurs to me that maybe Mel has been working for the man all along. Lethal Weapon,The Patriot, Bird on a Wire, Maverick. Of course this could all just be a "Conspiracy Theory" because he was
also in a movie called "Air America."
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
4 Years of Liberal Arts Education: $150,000. An Uncanny Ability to Bullshit: Priceless.
Like probably several others on this blog, I went to an expensive liberal arts university (the very same one in fact!). With a big stress on the words "liberal" and "arts". Not so much "university". Or so I thought.
I spent the first couple of years halfheartedly trying to fulfill the few requirements there were. To this end I took and managed to pass both physics and astronomy. I am eternally proud of this fact. But that's where the facts end and the bullshit begins: I was an American Studies major, the most liberal major of them all. (To my credit, I think I was possibly the only Amst major who chose the department because I truly honestly was interested in the subject and methodology, and not just because of the flexible attitude they had towards credits. Although damn, that helped a lot) and I created my own major which was nice then, and continues to be nice now because it takes quite a bit of time trying to explain what a concentration in Nationalism & Transnationalism is exactly, so if I'm ever in an awkward social situation with nothing to say, I can always play that one up. But I digress....
Annnnnnyways, I finally have a job that makes me really pretty happy. (Word to the wise: I've discovered that most people don't actually like you when you're happy. My popularity at potlucks has plummeted since my depression began to wane...) and a lot of what I do at my job is write and edit grant reports and letters and briefs and stuff.
And I realized all of a sudden that, contrary to what I always thought, I actually owe any success I have to my liberal arts education! Even though I wasn't sure how those film and lit classes were going to ever help me, I'm starting to think that maybe in some strange way, they will. It turns out, the art of talking things up is surprisingly valuable! Which is awesome, because that's pretty much the only thing I know how to do at this point. So there you go. A public service announcement to anyone who is as lost as I have been:
Do not lose hope; become a grantwriter.
I spent the first couple of years halfheartedly trying to fulfill the few requirements there were. To this end I took and managed to pass both physics and astronomy. I am eternally proud of this fact. But that's where the facts end and the bullshit begins: I was an American Studies major, the most liberal major of them all. (To my credit, I think I was possibly the only Amst major who chose the department because I truly honestly was interested in the subject and methodology, and not just because of the flexible attitude they had towards credits. Although damn, that helped a lot) and I created my own major which was nice then, and continues to be nice now because it takes quite a bit of time trying to explain what a concentration in Nationalism & Transnationalism is exactly, so if I'm ever in an awkward social situation with nothing to say, I can always play that one up. But I digress....
Annnnnnyways, I finally have a job that makes me really pretty happy. (Word to the wise: I've discovered that most people don't actually like you when you're happy. My popularity at potlucks has plummeted since my depression began to wane...) and a lot of what I do at my job is write and edit grant reports and letters and briefs and stuff.
And I realized all of a sudden that, contrary to what I always thought, I actually owe any success I have to my liberal arts education! Even though I wasn't sure how those film and lit classes were going to ever help me, I'm starting to think that maybe in some strange way, they will. It turns out, the art of talking things up is surprisingly valuable! Which is awesome, because that's pretty much the only thing I know how to do at this point. So there you go. A public service announcement to anyone who is as lost as I have been:
Do not lose hope; become a grantwriter.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
unacceptable
I am at work and my co-worker is currently listening to the radio. Now, this is something I normally don't mind. In fact, even in college and living with roommates, I was always the one that wanted to study with music on and if it was something I didn't care about, with TV. I like background noise.
But I do NOT like today's background noise. My co-worker is listening to the history of douche on the radio and now they are taking calls from women to hear their experiences with douche-ing. Am I right that this is wholly unacceptable to listen to at work? I mean, I'm all for inappropriate conversation and dirty, intimate details and I love Adam Corolla. It's not really the conversation that bothers me. It's the fact that I don't want to listen to this WITH my co-worker while I am trying to finish a personal injury settlement. The pros and cons of douche (I was taught there are only cons and douche-ing is really really bad) is bar talk best reserved for best girlfriends and effeminate boys, NOT pre-lunch, radio-listening at work.
A little NPR never killed anyone. I will now deal with the situation as passive aggressively as possible by tuning to an internet radio station that is turned up just loud enough to make having both stations on impracticable. And if the co-worker doesn't like it, she can go douche herself.
But I do NOT like today's background noise. My co-worker is listening to the history of douche on the radio and now they are taking calls from women to hear their experiences with douche-ing. Am I right that this is wholly unacceptable to listen to at work? I mean, I'm all for inappropriate conversation and dirty, intimate details and I love Adam Corolla. It's not really the conversation that bothers me. It's the fact that I don't want to listen to this WITH my co-worker while I am trying to finish a personal injury settlement. The pros and cons of douche (I was taught there are only cons and douche-ing is really really bad) is bar talk best reserved for best girlfriends and effeminate boys, NOT pre-lunch, radio-listening at work.
A little NPR never killed anyone. I will now deal with the situation as passive aggressively as possible by tuning to an internet radio station that is turned up just loud enough to make having both stations on impracticable. And if the co-worker doesn't like it, she can go douche herself.
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