It seems like this has been coming up a lot lately-- how folks are friends with one another. On one hand we're older, wiser and more mature, on the other hand we continue to hurt or be hurt by people whose concept of what it means to be a friend is different. One bloggette related the story of being at a friend's house with another friend when the second received a phone call and invitation to play a certain board game. The second turned to the first and asked her if she wanted to go play. This was very upsetting to the blogette, transporting her back to an earlier time. A time of people getting in daily "fights," laying dibs on who would play with who during recess and backstabbing. In so many ways we've been well-socialized since then, I do wonder though how genuine the its been. We still gossip, though now we go it under the banner of concern/interest in our friends. People are still excluded, though now we attribute it to insecurity and carelessness rather than malice.
Exclusion is an interesting idea. The excluder feel somehow entitled, the excludee feels sad and resentful. My mom was talking about my sister's friends. They are 13/14 and in 8th grade. My mom was marveling at how well they all get along, how little jealousy is involved. She asked my sister where her best friend was that night, "Oh, she's at a movie with Rachel." My mom, instigator that she is, goaded her "Did they invite you? Does that make you sad?" And Zoe said "No." I marvel at how unfair it is that she got the hot bod and the emotional maturity. And how she managed to become friends so early on with a bunch of girls who aren't using inclusion/exclusion to make themselves feel better about themselves or to hurt their friends. I think we could all take a lesson from those Clara Barton Open School 8th graders. Plus their cell phones have way cooler ringtones than ours.
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When I was in 7th grade, a friend who lived in Malibu told me that she wanted to take me shopping. She used the words Urban Outfitters. I had no idea what she was talking about. "You could be so pretty if only you dressed differently." It was crushing. Her brother is a member of Maroon 5. Her name is Annie Carmichael. She is on friendster.
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